Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
