One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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