So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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