One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
