Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If I die, sorry about rent.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
