She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
