who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
being pregnant is like rehab
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I still have a little drunk in my system
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
