he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
