I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
