handjob tips. give me some.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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