Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
