went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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