well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I die, sorry about rent.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
