Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
