i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We smell like vodka and hangover
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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