Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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