god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I party with great urgency now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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