My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
