I can text with my tongue
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
