just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
