Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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