JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
