we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
