We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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