As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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