just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
