I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
