if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
