Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
