How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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