I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
