I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Randomize
