State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
