you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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