I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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