so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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