I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
