Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
