HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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