I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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