omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wanna go halves on a baby?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
