This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm getting married
To pizza
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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