what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They have beer where we have blood.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
