Don't you send me to vm
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
