i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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