I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
