she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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