i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
