yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize