i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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