So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
