Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
